you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
