I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
