a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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