my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We smell like vodka and hangover
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