You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
