I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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