I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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