and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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