I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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