is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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