Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
