If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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