She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
