The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
