I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize