her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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