I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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