Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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