I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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