is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
