giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need moral support for this bender
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
