Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
