I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is Oprah even human
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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