Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
