I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will never coherently bang her
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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