dude i'm inner monologue high
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
