Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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