:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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