fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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