i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
