Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
