I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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