Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
