what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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