I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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