If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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