You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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