i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
