Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
