The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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