i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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