Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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