I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
