Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We are two peas in an std pod
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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