did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
