so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
