bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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