How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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