I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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