take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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