Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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