I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
