Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
