No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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