So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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