She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
