Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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