Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
