yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
