I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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