Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
