This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
