just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
