Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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