I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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